there are many people out there who can relate with me .they have lived or living my story which i'm going to share and feel emotions i went through.we all are very different yet very much same to each other,hence, can understand and relate to each other.this is the beauty of human emotions.
there was a time when i used to get depressed to see myself lagging behind in the race of getting success. it was like nightmare to see that i'm not making any progress . life seems stagnant when people around me were achieving new heights but now my perception has changed towards success, life and happiness.
Initially when we get what we have been longing for since a long time, its feel a great achievement ,we feel proud ourselves and at nine clouds such as our dream job, car or beautiful home.
I do remember when i got my first job it was like a dream came true. i was super excited. it felt like i'm a free bird now ,the whole sky is under my feet. i was so happy that cant be described in words.
from a small city to a metro city,being in a very beautiful company ambiance , i used to see such things in movies.
but after few months, i realized that things are not like that i used to think. my schedule was getting hectic gradually . meeting targets, work pressure and my seniors expectations such a big deal..
I felt like a caged bird who has no choice but to follow instructions only. i extra worked to satisfy my seniors cause being a sensitive person it was like a death sentence for me to get any negative feedback regarding my work and that resulted in more work load as being a star performer. i felt like my all energy was drained . end of the day i left with nothing but a tired, battered and frustrated mind and body.
before leaving company i used to hide my dull face under the layers of make up but when i used to look in mirror , my soul used to ask 'do u have any cosmetic to remove my pain and make me feel fresh? i had no answer but silence.
i was dying everyday. on my breaks( i hardly used to take break because of work load ) i used to talk to myself .one day i asked this is what you wanted to do in your life ? this is what you dreamt of for yourself and left your city ,your loved one? Answer was a silence, nothing to say but a deep pain inside me was killing me.
I started losing my interest in my work .there was a battle inside me i was fighting day and night. My whole existence was crying to get out of this hell. Being a very creative person it was like punishment to be in such a monotonous, vapid and environment where you cant do anything on our own but keep following instructions .only money making mentality was all around. my day used to stared with work load and end with emptiness. I was living a robotic life.
So what was my first work experience –how to be a fake person. Be in a mask. Live dual character . you are not feeling good but your fine. You have to greet people with smile while you are crying from inside. Emotions are meaningless if you want to be a successful person.
In between what kept me alive was my hobbies of reading and writing and playing with paint brush.
And then one day i decided to quit and live the life i want for myself , not to impress people but to express myself. No longer be a people pleasing .
Success for people mean to have material things what they can keep in their bank account . in our society people count success in terms of money. Money is parameter of success .
But for me success is what i feel from inside. My inner peace and satisfaction is more important than any worldly achievement even though these are not the things i can get people feel proud of me or can get their approval but i think i don’t need anyone approval or any kind of label to be worthy .
I’m happy in my own way and i have my own kind of success to which no one can see but i cam feel. i want to live a happening life not an artificial and robotic life..
